Ephesian 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
There is a notion out there in the world that the Christian life is for weak people. It is a crutch for people who can’t stand on their own in a tough world. Such an observation fails to recognize the truth of Christian martyrs in every generation and the transforming power that these “weak” Christians had on cities, nations, and civilizations. How do those things happen? When Jesus enters our lives, He changes the way we live. Before He arrives, our lives are shaped into a pattern by our sinful nature and by the worldly culture in which we live. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, He changes the motives, purpose, and direction of our lives. A 180-degree turn takes place, so that we are constantly walking against the powerful current of the culture.
In Matthew 18, Jesus addresses the issue of forgiving someone who has sinned against us. I once had my own view of forgiveness, but it was a paradigm that had been shaped by the world—and I liked it better than what Jesus was teaching. A father was teaching his four-year-old to swim. The boy obviously had no love for the water. He kept resisting. Finally, he said, “But Dad, I don’t even want to learn to swim.” When I read this passage, I wanted to say, “But Jesus, I don’t want to learn to forgive.” I was like Michelangelo, who was at odds with one of the pope’s officials. In furtive vengeance, the artist put that man’s face on Minos, the mythological ruler of the underworld, in one of his paintings for the Vatican.
What did Jesus teach me about forgiveness in this passage?
Forgiveness is not just forgetting. It is not putting the issue on the back burner and just forgetting about it over time. That is what I had often tried to do, hoping that time would cool my anger and cause a gradual softening of my heart toward the offender. The king in this passage in Matthew 18 called the offending debtor before him and demanded payment. The man was helpless; he pleaded with the king. The king forgave the offender on the spot. That was not forgetting about what the man had done. The issue was over; the man no longer owed the king anything. The king was not forgetting the debtor and debt; he was forgiving the debtor and canceling the debt. In the suffering and blood of Calvary, Jesus pleaded with the Father then and there to forgive those who had driven the nails. That is not for the weak-spirited. It is hard.
Forgiveness is costly. Forgiveness is not free. Forgiving this man cost the king a huge sum of money. Sometimes we think that forgiveness is just words that we speak. It is free. It does not cost us anything. That simply is not true. In forgiveness, we give up all rights to judgment, talking about the matter in a sinful way, holding a grudge, and vengeance. We entrust the matter to God, and we give up our anger and hate.
If we do learn this forgiveness, a supernatural love, joy,
and peace will abide in our souls.
Forgiveness must not be confused with trust. It is not the same as trust. The king forgave the offender. This did not mean that he turned around and gave the man a loan for another ten thousand talents. What is it that our children say when they have broken our rules and we come down on them for what they have done? What is it that they say when we set harder limits on their activities? “You don’t trust me.” They make us feel bad for not trusting them. I loved it when my children said that to me. I had been waiting all my life to say what my father said to me: “You are mighty right that I don’t trust you. You broke the rules. You broke the trust. I forgive you. Forgiveness is given, but trust is earned. You want me to trust you. You must earn it, because you broke the trust.”
Remember that you have much in common with the person who offended you. We read that the forgiven man then went and found someone who owed him a small amount compared to what he had owed the king. He demanded payment and had the man thrown in prison when he did not pay. Remembering your own transgressions when it comes to true forgiveness is a life-changer. We read in Romans 2:1: “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”
Remember that you have been forgiven far more than you will ever forgive. These two last truths were what broke the hardness of my heart when it came to forgiveness. I will never forget when I first heard these words from the pulpit: “When you find it hard to forgive someone—not just hard, but impossible to forgive someone for what they have done to you—get on your knees before Jesus and list all your idolatries, the arrogance, the sexual immorality, the selfishness, the greed, the lies, the times you have killed people with hate in your heart, the times you have seriously hurt those closest to you; list all the sins no one else knows, the ones that have never been exposed. List them all and then say to Jesus, ‘Please forgive all those sins that I committed in willful rebellion against You, but Jesus, I refuse to forgive this person who has sinned against me.’” You will probably be like me. I could not say that last sentence to Jesus.
Yes, this forgiveness is not easy to learn. It is, indeed, a characteristic of true strength. Yet in this forgiveness there is a great freedom, a release from bitterness, revenge, and hatred. If we don’t practice this forgiveness taught by Jesus, this trio of misery will haunt our entire existence. But if we do learn this forgiveness, a supernatural love, joy, and peace will abide in our souls. (How Can I Truly Forgive, and Why Should I?)
Rev. John P. Sartelle Sr. is senior pastor at Christ Covenant Reformed Church in Memphis, Tenn. He is author of What Christian Parents Should Know about Infant Baptism.
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