Suicide - when hope runs out
John 16:33 (ESV)
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Why would a person take his own life, especially a young person who has so much to live for? When our natural instinct is to do everything in our power to preserve and protect our personal well-being, why would anyone kill himself?
In a certain sense, the answer is not complex. Simply put, people commit suicide because they’re convinced they would be better off dead. They’ve given up on this life, hoping the next one will be better—if there is a next one. If not, ending their life will at least end their pain.
Suicide, though, doesn’t end all pain because it is never a solitary act with a single consequence of a life ended. When one person takes his life, a host of other lives are sucked into the vortex. Every person who kills himself leaves others behind lamenting the loss, sometimes for the rest of their lives—colleagues and friends, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, children.
On January 23, 2011, my cousin Derek took his own life. On June 5, 2019, another friend from years before killed himself, leaving behind his wife and his little boy. On July 23, 2020, a close colleague succumbed to depression and committed suicide. For me, this issue is not academic. It’s personal—as it is for so many—and in our communities it is rapidly becoming a pandemic.
The Rising Tide
Roughly twice as many people die by suicide than are murdered every year in this country.[1] On average, 131 people take their lives by their own hand every single day—five every hour, one every 11 minutes.[2] It’s the second largest cause of death among 10- to 34-year-olds and fourth among 35- to 54-year-olds.[3]
Tragically, the trend curve gets steeper every year. Suicide rates have climbed 36 percent in the last 20 years, according to the Center for Disease Control.[4] Recent studies show that 13.6 percent of 18- to 25-year-olds have seriously contemplated ending their lives.[5]
Younger women suffer most, with 57 percent of high school females reporting feeling “persistently sad or hopeless in 2021”—a 58 percent increase from 2011.[6] In that year, 30 percent seriously considered attempting suicide—a nearly 60 percent increase from 2011.[7] An astonishing 24 percent actually made a suicide plan in 2021.[8]
The terrible truth is this: Multitudes are struggling, and massive numbers are losing their battle. Many of them are Christians, too, but when was the last time you heard suicide addressed in your church? Sadly, the first mention of it is usually at a funeral. Then it’s too late.
I have been teaching double breakout sessions on suicide at STR’s Reality Student Apologetics Conferences for four years now. Every single session is packed with young people, standing room only. In every single session, I stay after—sometimes for hours—counseling and comforting these dear kids, some who had planned to take their lives that very weekend.
What I tell the students in those Reality sessions is the same thing I want to tell you here. I want to explain to you why so many contemplate suicide and what you can do to prevent them from going through with their plans. I also want you to know that if you’re the one despairing of life because you think you’re alone, you’re not.
Why Seek Death?
Why would anyone think his life is no longer worth living? What would tempt someone to believe that death is the best solution to his problems?
The truth is that people contemplating suicide feel boxed in. They have run out of options. Death seems the only respite from, in Hamlet’s words, “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” To die is to sleep, and to sleep is to “end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.”[9]
The woes mount up: financial ruin, shattered relationships, debilitating disappointment, sexual violation, substance abuse, depression, shame, guilt, loneliness, emotional or physical pain they can no longer endure. The list goes on. Suicide seems attractive because the sleep of death promises rescue from every woe. Or so it seems.
At the center of suicidal ideation is a loss of hope. Why does a person lose hope? The answer varies based on worldview. Christians and non-Christians can both suffer loss of hope, but they do so for different reasons.
Mere Molecules in Motion
The late Carl Sagan’s Cosmos is the most viewed and arguably the most influential science documentary ever made. Its opening line, narrated beautifully by Sagan, introduces the film’s foundational premise: “The Cosmos is all that is or ever was or ever will be.”[10], [11]
Ironically, there is nothing remotely scientific about the documentary’s foundational claim since science is completely incapable of determining “all that is or ever was or ever will be.” Rather, the defining principle in Cosmos is pure metaphysics. Notice the almost spiritual pulse of Sagan’s words. The cadence is not accidental, closely echoing the “Gloria Patri.”[12]
In Cosmos, Sagan advances the religion of naturalism—also called materialism or physicalism since in this faith nothing exists but physical molecules in motion rigidly regulated by natural law.
In Sagan’s “religion,” no God gives meaning or morality to life, no souls enjoy the rewards of Heaven or endure the punishments of Hell. There is no forgiveness, of course, since there is no sin—nor goodness, either. Eventually, our pointless human existence descends into eternal darkness forever after.
One person has said, famously, that ideas have consequences. Another added that bad ideas have victims. Lies destroy, and naturalism is a lie. Sadly, an entire culture has been seduced by it—and multitudes suffer as a result.
Think about it. If naturalism is true, we are puppets dancing to the dictates of our DNA, our shared human “purpose” reduced to “selfish genes” getting themselves into the next generation. “Meaning” is found in whatever pleasures we are able to produce in the moment through more education, more power, more fame, and more money.
Philosophers have a word for this way of living: nihilism. Nothing-ism. Nothing deep to live for; nothing profound to die for. There’s only self. The numbers are legion of those who are left feeling empty, defeated, and depressed by this narcissistic view of reality. It’s no wonder so many have no hope, believing the lie that they are better off dead than alive.
Mental illness—characteristically fingered as the culprit by the naturalistic, secular culture—plays a role in some cases, but it’s not the complete story since 54 percent of people who have died by suicide did not have a diagnosable mental illness.[13] During the last twenty years, we’ve also seen amazing medical advances in treating anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, and a host of other psychological pathologies. Yet suicide rates continue to climb. Why? The answer: ideas.
As the Christian worldview fades in cultural influence and narcissism takes over, the center of meaning and significance shifts from God to self. However, a worldview that puts self at the center—as appealing as that may sound initially when glamorized in movies, advertisements, or TikTok memes—creates a burden that no human being was ever meant to bear.
We are just not “big” enough, so to speak, for that task. No individual human being can ever be an adequate integration point for meaningful personal identity and ultimate significance. We can never be enough—nor can we ever do enough—to satisfy our natural craving for personal worth. The cycle of human striving, followed by failure, followed by disappointment, followed by more striving, never ends—and a gnawing sense of hopelessness continually crouches at the door.
Why Christians Lose Hope
Those caught in the web that naturalism spins are not the only ones who struggle with suicidal impulses, though. Just because a person is a Christian, that doesn’t mean he’s not vulnerable to lies. In a fallen world, even believers can lose hope, but they despair for different reasons than nonbelievers.
Naturalism is a bankrupt worldview. It’s not able to provide an adequate foundation for ultimate meaning and deep purpose in our lives. The Christian worldview—with an omnipotent, morally perfect God at the center instead of feeble, fallen human beings—can shoulder that burden and provide reasonable grounds for our message of hope. Why would a believer in Christ, then, falter and succumb to the lie that they would be better off dead than alive?
Christians lose hope for two reasons. The first reason is the same one that defeats many in the secular crowd. The pain of trials, disappointments, and deep loss simply overwhelms them.
Trials and Tribulations
Six times in Scripture, someone took his own life: Abimelech, King Saul, Saul’s armor bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, and Judas Iscariot. They lost hope because of overwhelming struggle, painful personal loss, unbearable heartache, the threat of an undignified death, or debilitating guilt, each leading ultimately to despair and hopelessness.
There are others, though, who faced formidable trials and devastating loss so severe that they, too, wanted their lives to end, but they chose to press on.
Solomon, like many cultural elites today, had every worldly pleasure in abundance—power, wealth, and virtually limitless sexual opportunity—yet he still despaired (also like many cultural elites today). He reached the pinnacle of what the world “under the sun” had to offer, and it left him empty and disappointed. “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity,” he concluded (Eccl. 1:2). Life was ultimately futile and meaningless.
The great prophet Elijah achieved a monumental victory over the prophets of Baal and Asherah on Mount Carmel (1 Kings 18). Yet when threatened by Queen Jezebel, he fled south to escape her wrath and fell into deep depression. Overwhelmed and discouraged, Elijah sat down under a juniper tree in the wilderness and prayed, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life” (1 Kings 19:4).
Even the fearless and faithful apostle Paul staggered under the nearly unbearable challenges he faced. He wrote, “For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life” (2 Cor. 1:8).
Clearly, God’s people—even the most noble, talented, and spiritual—can struggle with discouragement. In each of these three cases, though, they pressed on. When faced with losses, trials, and discouragements that seemed too great for them to bear, they still moved forward, trusting God to come through for them. Eventually, they saw God’s grace and power revealed in their lives.
Solomon’s Ecclesiastes starts with “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity,” but it does not end that way. He closes his deep and profound reflection on life with these words: “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments” (Eccl. 12:13).
When we rely on everything the world under the sun can give us, when we trust in our individual effort to make our lives meaningful or to deliver us from trials and loss, we will ultimately be consumed with despair. If we focus on fearing God and following him, though, we will find hope.
Elijah wanted to end it all and pleaded with God to take him. Yet as he pressed on, God acted. God strengthened him and encouraged him, reminding him that he was not alone as he thought. God then recommissioned him for greater work.[14] Elijah eventually passed the prophetic baton to Elisha, who continued Elijah’s powerful labor for the Lord.
Paul pressed on and persevered, too. “We had the sentence of death within ourselves,” he wrote, “so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope” (2 Cor. 1:9–10). Paul and his companions found hope amid deadly turmoil by leaning on God and relying on his merciful care. As Paul wrote later, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:14).
If you find yourself beset by struggles, press on. If you have suffered great loss, press on. If you’re in the midst of what seem to be overwhelming trials, press on. God is not finished with you. He on whom you have set your hope will deliver you.
The Letter Kills
Trials and tribulations are not the only reasons Christians lose hope. There’s another culprit that robs believers of their assurance of a bright future. It’s called legalism: basing our acceptance by God—and, ultimately, our salvation—on our performance.
Here is the problem. If we seek to be justified—made acceptable before God—through law, then Paul says we have fallen from grace into a form of slavery. Laws are meant to be kept—all of them, perfectly, none broken.[15] This is, obviously, a hopeless enterprise.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with God’s moral law. It’s good and perfect (Ps. 19:7). The problem is with us. We don’t keep the law, so the law “kills” us. It condemns us, shutting us up under sin (Gal. 3:21–22), closing every mouth so that all become accountable to God (Rom. 3:19). Simply put, the law kills because its demands are so severe they can never be met. God’s perfect law destroys any hope of self-justification.
By contrast, the grace of God through Christ gives life. The new covenant of the Spirit accomplishes what the old covenant of the law could not. Christ now is the reason for our hope, the ground of our confidence before God. Our adequacy before God comes from Jesus through the new covenant, “not of the letter [the law] but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (2 Cor. 3:4–6).
Here's the connection between legalism and Christian suicide. When someone constantly measures himself—or is repeatedly measured by others—by God’s perfect standards, he’ll constantly be defeated, feeling so hopeless he may even take his own life. Remember: The letter kills.
What is the antidote? The antidote is the opposite of law—God’s incredible, all-encompassing grace. The psalmist wrote,
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness….He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities….As far as the east is from the west,So far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Ps. 103:8–12)
And…
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the law could not do…God did: sending His own Son…. (Rom. 8:1–3)
And…
Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. (Heb. 10:22–23)
Let those words from God’s Word sink into your heart. If you despair because of legalism, remind yourself of these truths every single day. If you are constantly aware that you never measure up, if you continually strive but always fall short, this is what Jesus has to say to you: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).
Jesus lived the life that we couldn’t live, then he died the death that we deserved. His flawless sacrifice paid our debt. All of it. Past, present, and future. Every sin has been covered, every iniquity forgiven in Christ.
Descending into Darkness
People give up hope in this life because of false ideas and destructive lies they have been beguiled by. Naturalism—though initially attractive and appealing to their desire for autonomy—ultimately gives them nothing but a shallow sense of freedom for a season that eventually descends into hopelessness and darkness.
Struggle, trial, and loss can capsize both non-Christians and Christians. Overwhelmed by hardship, heartache, or adversity, many lose hope that this life will ever offer them anything better than pain and anguish, so they seek to end both by ending their lives.
Christians are also vulnerable to a legalistic belief that acceptance by God is based on their performance instead of on the merits of Christ. They continually fail and are eventually crushed by the law that kills.
What can we do to help?
Rising into Light
If you know someone who is considering suicide—or if you’re struggling with suicidal ideations yourself—there are three practical ways to help. I call them “three strikes against suicide.”
First, remember who you are. Non-Christians need to know they are not cosmic refuse. They are not cogs in a pointless, naturalistic, DNA machine. Rather, they are precious human beings made in the very image of God. Their worth and their value is matchless, greater than anything and everything else in all the universe. God’s world is full of meaning and purpose, and there is a significant place for them in it. Their lives matter.
Christians need to know this, too, because it’s easy to forget. Even before we knew Christ, he loved us and sacrificed himself for us. “For while we were still helpless,” Paul writes, “at the right time Christ died for the ungodly,” and, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:6, 8).
Jesus doesn’t die for junk, by the way. You were not redeemed with perishable things, Peter points out, but with the precious, spotless, unblemished blood of Christ (1 Pet. 1:18–19). You were the precious person bought by Jesus with his precious blood.
Second, don’t believe lies. Jesus said Satan is not just a liar, but the father of lies (John 8:44). The deceiver will lie to you about who you are. He will accuse you about what you’ve done. He will convince you that the hardship you face will never end. Don’t believe him.
Your true identity is found in Jesus, not in the lies of Satan. Also, don’t confuse the difficult moment you find yourself in with the story of your life. No human being is defined by his struggles. He is defined by how he faces his struggles.
A wise person once said, “This too shall pass.” He was right. It will. Virtually no hardship anyone experiences lasts forever, though it often seems to. Remember that no matter what the world throws at you, Jesus has already overcome it.[16] God said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). Take courage in those promises.
Finally, realize you are not alone. Many others are struggling with the same challenges you face, even if they don’t let it show. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’re immune from the hardships of living in a fallen world. God’s people have always suffered since the fall. That suffering can be physical, but it can also be mental and emotional.
If you are struggling or have a friend who is, let other Christians help. Many even in your own church have faced the kinds of challenges you face. They understand what you’re going through. We need to speak up more often and more openly about suicide. People consider it more than we realize.
If a friend has confided in you that he’s thinking about taking his own life, don’t make a promise you shouldn’t keep by saying you won’t tell anyone. You might have to seek the help of someone else. Trust me, that struggling person will ultimately thank you for your faithfulness and love because you risked the relationship by putting his well-being first.
Is it possible to tell if someone is suicidal? Yes. Persistent sadness; fluctuation between silent apathy and excited talkativeness; feelings of guilt; expressions of helplessness, worthlessness, or hopelessness; preoccupation with death; self-mutilation like cutting or burning; preparing for death (giving things away, writing “goodbye” letters, etc.)—are all characteristics of someone who might be contemplating suicide.
If you notice any of these traits in a friend, talk with him. If you are worried, express your concern. Ask him directly, “Have you thought about committing suicide?” Don’t be afraid to use that word. It will not push him closer to the edge but may instead be a sobering wake-up call, removing any ambiguity in the conversation.[17]
Talking with others about suicide is not easy, but when they are caught in a downward spiral, that conversation is too important not to have. When we help others see their value as God’s image-bearers, when we remind our brothers and sisters in Christ of who we are in him, when we help them see that their troubles will not last forever, we combat the lies of the devil and the lies of the world. We move towards truth—the best antidote for lies.
If you or a loved one struggle with suicidal thoughts, remember you are not alone. You are loved by God. And as you press on through your struggles, God will be there for you.
Suicide - when hope runs out
By Jonathan Noyes and Greg Koukl / Stand to Reason
[7] Ibid.
[9] William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act III, Sc. 1, 64–76.
[10] Carl Sagan, Cosmos, (New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1980), 9.
[11] Note that the word “Cosmos” is capitalized in the print edition. Sagan treats it as a proper noun, like the name of a person.
[12] “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be….”
[14] See 1 Kings 19:15–18.
[15] See Galatians 5:1–4.
Comments